Things that have made me happy today :)

Dear Friends,

Apparently I’m just super happy at the moment.

I woke up this morning and instead of saying my usual “fuck you” to the world I instead smiled.

Things that have made me feel happy so far today:

  • It’s sunny
  • My dog came to see me and gave me a cuddle in bed
  • I’m spending the evening at one of my best friend’s houses beginning our Twilight marathon
  • I woke up and did a proper skincare routine today
  • I have lots of energy
  • I think I’m going to make pasta for lunch
  • Cream eggs are easily accessible for the next like 5 months 🙂

Things that have made me feel less happy so far today:

  • I remembered that last night I got ID’d whilst buying a 15 rated movie. I’m 19 in a month :/

Overall the good things very much outweigh the bad so things are going well today 🙂

Oh also this video made me feel happy too so I guess this is today’s song-

lots of love,

Hannah

xoxo

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I SAW PARAMORE!

Dear Friends,

Last night was absolutely fantastic.

I SAW PARAMORE LIVE!!!!!!!!!

The whole experience was amazing, we got standing tickets and ended up being in the middle but with a good view and the atmosphere was amazing.

Despite it being boiling hot and very cramped and there being a lot of pushing and accidental elbowing and hitting it was so fantastic to be a part of that crowd, everyone was just obviously having an amazing time and living their best life and it was so much fun to experience that with one of my best friends.

It’s also something that I think even a few months ago I wouldn’t have been able to handle, being in a massive crowd of people for a long time is kinda my nightmare but I did it and it was great and I rewarded myself with a lot of Mcdonnald’s.

The show was fantastic, can honestly say they are even better live!

Today my throat hurts from all the screaming and singing along and all of my limbs hurt from the jumping and dancing but oh my god it was so worth it.

Such an amazing night, barely got any pictures because I was far too busy dancing with my best friend and having a great time which I’m really glad about because I think sometimes I’m far too busy trying to get pictures to document and remember the moment that I don’t enjoy it enough as it happens and this time I didn’t do that 🙂

I also bought a really cool tour t- shirt 🙂

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Life is good at the moment and I’m really thankful.

Lots of Love,

Hannah

xoxo

 

Some happy thoughts

Dear friends.

Today is a happy day

  1. I’m currently listening to Sweet Caroline by Neil Diamond and next on my spottify queue is Come on Eileen by Dexy’s Midnight Runners so 10/10 for happy song choices today.
  2. My hair has grown long enough to wear it in pigtails- So now I can dress in a pinafore dress and look as immature as I feel on the inside.
  3. I’m going to see Paramore tomorrow with my best friend
  4. Today is a chill day I have no solid plans until 7pm which means I can chill and then spend like 4 hours slowly getting ready to go out and dancing around my bedroom to Taylor Swift (the proper way to get ready for a night out)
  5. I’ve got emails saying my uni choices have received my UCAS application making it all very real and also kinda exciting

Today is going to be a good day.

To be honest any day that starts with Come on Eileen and a bacon sandwich is gonna be a good day 🙂

Today’s songs:

Happy songs for a happy gal 🙂

Lots of Love,

Hannah

xoxoxo

Some words about consent

Dear Friends,

Today I had another CBT session, I’m really starting to feel comfortable with my therapist Sophie and the sessions seem to fly by, she is really very good.

One particular conversation today ended up being both about consent and also how people can struggle to say no to certain things whether it be sex, alcohol, drugs, social situations or any other situation that you may find yourself in where you are not completely comfortable.

We spoke about what does and doesn’t count as consent, something that I think is a valuable lesson that everyone should know.

She described it in a interesting way.

Sophie: “Imagine if you and I were going to the cinema, the new Avengers movie is out and you’ve been desperate to see it and you’re really excited however I seem uncomfortable, start suggesting other movies and don’t seem excited by your movie choice, I really didn’t seem to want to see the Avengers today. What is your reaction?”

To this I replied slightly confused and amused “Well I guess I’d probably see what you wanted to do instead, accept that I was slightly disappointed but not push you to watch something you weren’t wanting to do, I could see the movie another day”

Sophie said- “Exactly, so even though I never explicitly said the words “no I don’t want to go see the Avengers movie” You knew that I wasn’t comfortable with what the plans were and you picked up on that from my body language and words and you didn’t push me’.

I think having it described this way really gave me perspective on the whole issue on consent and what does and doesn’t count as giving it.

Just because you haven’t said the word no does not mean that your consent has been given, there are other ways.

On a side note- Even though I’ve only just started with CBT I’m finding it really helpful and I’m learning a lot not only about myself but about mental health and I suppose the world and people. It’s really making me happy.

Just a few thoughts.

Lots of Love <3,

Hannah 🙂

xoxox

Today’s song-

Shit is once again together

Dear Friends,

Once again my shit is well and truly together.

Not only have I finished my University application (woo) I also got a letter from the hospital saying they’ve given me another hospital appointment despite the fact I had a breakdown and missed my CBT appointment last week oops. I was pretty sure I wouldn’t get offered another appointment but they have and I’m happy.

I also bought a new diary today because I’ve decided I’m going to keep one this year as last year not writing in one upset me, and I have lots planned this year. It’s only 9 days into 2018 and it’s already so much more exciting than last year.

It’s also a really pretty diary (£6.99 from WHSmith so bargain too)

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Today was a day that adulating occurred – I opened a savings account! Had a proper appointment at the bank and everything was very exciting, I now have even less of an excuse for not saving for travelling along with the fact my mum is buying me my passport as a birthday present next month so there goes that excuse too 😉

I’m really happy with the people that I have around me at the moment, I’m surrounding myself with people that I actually enjoy talking to and spending time with, who make me happy and feel good about myself. I’m realising that spontaneous plans even just to go for coffee can work out so much more enjoyable than well thought out expensive plans especially when it’s with the right people.

I have 2 weeks off from work, there was a bit of drama with certain people I work with and it was a bit of a shit time but hopefully by the time I’m back then things will have died down a bit and be okay again.

On the bright side this time off work I’m going to use just to really take care of myself and keep myself happy. I’m meeting friends, going to a concert, cinema trips etc and also just having some day’s like today where my plans involve sitting in my pjs all day and probably having Lily and Heather round to watch some movies and eat some nuggets.

It’s a great feeling now that UCAS is done and I don’t have to stress about work, I can put my time into self improvement and relaxing which is something I think I need right now.

I’ve also been listening to my Inspiration playlist on Spotify which is a playlist of happy and summery songs that make me think of summer and travelling and excitement, for when I’m feeling unmotivated and bored.

Today’s song (not from the aforementioned playlist but still very good and relaxing)

Lots of Love,

Hannah

xoxoxoxo

It’s 2018

Dear Friends,

My 2018 started with a boy, a hangover and my best friends.

New years eve was messy and fun to say the least.

There’s a wonderful feeling when the clock hits 12 and you just feel a wave of freshness, like everything is new and you’re ready for a new beginning. It’s a new year, a fresh start, time to get those resolutions going.

I think maybe that’ll have to start tomorrow due to the fact I’ve failed a lot of them today, coming home at 7:30am and sleeping in last nights makeup and then waking up and eating a shit tone of leftover xmas chocolate and spending today in bed watching films wasn’t exactly the plan…

Tomorrow resolutions will begin.

I’ve got this.

Lots of Love,

Hannah

Getting my shit together.

Dear Friends,

I feel like my shit is kinda together for once.

Last week I had my first appointment at the hospital. I’m going to be having cognitive behaviour therapy for the next 20 weeks in order to hopefully improve my mental health issues as well as continuing with the medication I’m already on and possibly trying some new ones.

I’m really trying.

I want it to get better so bad. I have so many things that I want to do, I want to travel, I want to go to university, I want to go out, all things that I really don’t think I can handle doing if this doesn’t improve.

But I went to the appointment- a big deal for me. I hate hospitals and do my very best to avoid it.

I was terrified. But the lady was lovely, unlike anyone I’d ever spoken to about any of this before. She wasn’t remotely condescending or patronising. I was treat like an adult. She also didn’t say any of the things that i’ve heard before- ‘it’s normal for your age’, ‘it’s hormones’ etc etc

She told me that from the initial assessment she thinks I have Generalised anxiety disorder and possibly OCD, but that’s just from the first appointment. The anxiety was expected but I’d never really heard anyone say OCD as a possibility.

I have another appointment next week and I’m going to go because I’m so determined to do this and just after one appointment things felt the slightest bit better, and if that’s after one then I’m really excited to see how I feel after 20.

In other news my UCAS application is finally almost ready to send off, just getting it checked and then it’s good to go.

With that gone there’s absolutely no stress I’ll have which is such a wonderful feeling. No exams to stress for or revision, no deadlines. Just me, work and saving and enjoying my year off and having me time.

Lots of love,

Hannah